Lyrics by Indi Riverflow

Little old lady with big ambition
Trapped beneath her tightly wound bun
Gave off the vibe of a librarian
But, man, Millie was a girl who knew
How to have her some fun

She found good work as a loyal clerk
In a top-secret compound of the FBI
Service with a smile went home with a smirk
In her purse was hidden a piece of the psi

Agent Smith and Agent Jones
Trying to bring the paranormal under control
Mysteries of the occult to alien bones
Bumbling their way around the supernatural

{Chorus}
Secrets of the Universe collecting dust
Up in Millie’s attic
Treasure trove starting to rust
Up in Millie’s attic
Smithsonian diamond in the rough
Up in Millie’s attic
You wouldn’t believe even half the stuff
Up in Millie’s attic
Up in Millie’s attic
Up in Millie’s attic

Coffee always fresh, mail always checked
Prompt and courteous when the phone would ring
Loved her so much they wouldn’t suspect
When mysterious objects went missing

Amateur curator, incurable pack rat
Millie liked to collect her own evidence
Kept her nefariousness under her hat
None of it sent to a black-market fence

She had Atlantean crystal-studded power tools
Lamps of the djinn and Bigfoot’s big toe
She didn’t always follow the rules
But she swore that her bosses would never know

Magic mirrors, ancient sorcerer’s tomes
Wizard’s wands and vampire’s fangs
Half a dozen chunks of Philosopher’s Stone
Cursed Monkey’s Paws and an automatic boomerang

Fossils from species never seen on Earth
Time machines and working crystal balls
No idea what any of it was worth
All she knew was that she lived for her haul

If she ever got caught Millie knew she’d roast
But the investigators didn’t even have a clue
She’d pin it on janitors or blame it on ghosts
Innocent face even so-called psychics couldn’t see through

{Chorus}

When they found Millie without a breath
Her collection was donated to Goodwill
She has the last laugh even in death
And she haunts her attic still

So if you find something strange
Sitting on your local thrift store shelf
Search your pockets for forgotten change
But be sure to keep one eye on yourself

{Chorus}